Instead of returning to work with my child on my hip, working with my husband and doing it all, I find myself at home alone every day with the baby, rarely leaving for anything other than a quick grocery run or a tasting for my catering company -- which is almost nonexistent due to the nature of the virus gripping our society. Because I've made the decision to nurse my child, I find that I can't leave him for very long and even if I do, I still have to break away from whatever I'm doing to pump my breasts for at least 20 minutes, although the best milk comes in the last 10 minutes of a 30 minute session. My husband and I run a bar and grill and catering company. We both work there together and the idea was to do it all together. But I just don't feel comfortable taking my 4-month old baby to work where strangers come and go. It's hard to make that decision but I also know it's for the best.
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| teething mitt |
Sitting here, typing this blog post (hopefully the first of many), Oscar is asleep and I'm hoping it's for the night, I hope to just get my thoughts organized. We have had a rough day today and I'm feeling some mom guilt. He's been teething and today has been the first real rough day where he cried and whined most of the day unless he was eating or sleeping. He only slept for 45 minutes at a time when he normally sleeps for over an hour and up to 2 hours at a time. He also doesn't cry very much but today was a whole different story. He just wanted to be held all day, but that's hard when I have to pump every couple hours. I try to schedule his eating times and naps around my pump schedule but it doesn't always work out like I'd like it to.
It's hard because there were a couple times that I had to leave the room to go chill out a bit. I had to go outside and just let myself calm down at one point because he wouldn't stop crying and it was making me cry because I wasn't sure what else I could do. Even holding him wasn't helping.
One thing that makes me feel better is shopping and today I got a big box of stuff I got for Oscar. For some reason it always helps my mood to open up a big box of stuff I bought online the other night at 4 a.m. during my late night pump sesh. Sometimes I'm surprised by what I find and others I've been waiting on since I ordered it. You know you do it, too! My favorite item was the teething mitt -- I think it's going to be a hit with Oscar because he likes to chew on his hands so much. He didn't really understand it today, but he enjoyed it when I held it in his mouth. I think once he understands what's going on he will like it.
Another thing I think will be useful is a silicone handle for the bottles we have. It's removable and cab be transferred from bottle to bottle. It will be a good transition to getting him to hold the bottle on his own. It's another thing that will just take some time.
Either way, hopefully both of these items will help with teething and helping Oscar hold his own bottle so I don't have to every time. Since I can't go to stores and shop as often as I'd like, I order online and have it shipped to my home. Luckily, we are in a day and age that is possible and we aren't just stuck at home with no outlet at all. I have to find some comfort in that, even though it's a small thing, it's a big thing because of the timing for this in my life. I have a couple other items from this order that I will talk about next time and link to so you can see them for yourselves. I always like to look at the reviews and decide if the bad ones sound agreeable because sometimes people complain about the dumbest stuff.
My husband helps a lot so at least I have him. With the nature of the virus, a lot of people haven't been coming around who I was planning to be around a lot more. My mom, sisters and in-laws all come by regularly and my mom has babysat for me a couple times so I could go to work for a couple hours. Mom's going to watch Oscar or me this Friday so I can go help at work with a golf tournament. I always look forward to leaving but then as soon as I'm gone I want to come right back home and hold my baby. Hubby also works all the time and makes money so we can have the things we need and a home. He does it so I don't have to and so I can take the best care of our son that's possible.
I love my family. It's not easy but I wouldn't have it any other way. A year ago I wouldn't have thought it possible. I didn't think I could have kids but got the surprise of a lifetime when that test read positive the second time. It was a great surprise and all the good makes the hard stuff worth it in the end.
